But, this blog entry isn't about that (though you may want to check it out).
This entry is about how I've adopted the phrase "First Things First" to sometimes just get through a day. At times, to just survive. And, other days, to remind myself to not just survive, but to thrive.
After years of denying the knot in my stomach, of fighting through the pain, I finally acknowledged stress's impact on my body. And on my brain. My weight loss due to the inability to digest anything correctly. The pounding in my heart that shortened my breath while sitting. My skin alternating between dry and flakey and breaking out. Panic attacks hitting a few times a week.
And my brain...me, who prides myself on being sharp as a butchers knife, and my ability to focus on three things at a time. I wasn't able to dissect a situation and find two paths to a solution anymore. I wasn't able to focus at all. A thought would dissipate as soon as it entered my head. I couldn't read complicated text. Mathematical calculations and statistical analysis took twice as long.
Some mornings I woke up and felt like my brain didn't work at all. Some afternoons, it ran out of steam. I literally didn't know what I was supposed to be doing. Thirty minutes would pass and all I could do was sit. I was paralyzed. More than the physical manifestations, this paralysis and confusion was the scariest feeling I'd ever experienced.
Before anyone yells "breakdown!", maybe it was. It wasn't everyday. It wasn't sudden. It wasn't dramatic. And, it was during a period of my life with an intense professional situation, too much time on airplanes, a few toxic people, and heartbreaking personal events. For the first time, I couldn't deny what stress was doing to me, mentally and physically. I physically couldn't meet my responsibilities. With help from my doctor, I realized some significant changes needed to take place in my life. And, these big changes started with small steps.In the first step, I adopted my mantra of First Things First. I had always made lists -- long to-do lists that felt like I achieved something each day. They didn't. They were a placeholder. I stopped them. Now, each day, I list no more than five "First Things First". No matter what happens, these have to happen. This daily mantra and list became my life preserver.
Each morning, I write First Things First as I have my coffee. No exception. Some mornings, at my worst, it was a painstaking chore. Now, editing it down to five items maximum is the hard part.
On a day when I was just surviving, my list looked something like this:
1. breakfast
2. kids to school
3. walk the dog
4. answer email
5. do one load of laundry
Sometimes "get dressed" was on the list. Sometimes it was "make bed". On those days when I was merely surviving, my brain couldn't focus to tell me the basic steps to take each morning. I felt debilitated. And scared. This coming from a woman who normally had done two loads of laundry, led a conference call, responded to 20 emails from Europe, fed the family breakfast, and prepped dinner all before 8:00 am. Now I needed to write myself a map for the day.
First Things First is now my habit I don't skip. I still sometimes have to tell myself the basics when everything gets too crazy. But, now, First Things First is my focus point more than a map or step-by-step guide. Because, now I'm back in my "thrive" mode. I'm learning new skills, starting a business, expanding my network, investing in family time. Now, there's so much I want to do each day that First Things First is making me choose, calming me in a different way.
Here's Today's List:
Sunday's First Things First
1. Thank you notes for last week's meetings
2. blog post
3. layout for new photos on wall
4. clean sheets on bed
First Things First is a daily habit. It was a small habit toward being healthy. And, it will continue to be my focal point, my map, my life preserver each day.
