First Things First

"First Things First" is Habit #3 of Stephen Covey's "7 Habits of Highly Successful People".  It's a methodology to ensure what you spend your time on is urgent and also moves you toward your long term goals.  It's eye-opening when you start analyzing you you really spend your days.

But, this blog entry isn't about that (though you may want to check it out).

This entry is about how I've adopted the phrase "First Things First" to sometimes just get through a day.  At times, to just survive.  And, other days, to remind myself to not just survive, but to thrive.

After years of denying the knot in my stomach, of fighting through the pain, I finally acknowledged stress's impact on my body.  And on my brain.  My weight loss due to the inability to digest anything correctly.  The pounding in my heart that shortened my breath while sitting.  My skin alternating between dry and flakey and breaking out.  Panic attacks hitting a few times a week.

And my brain...me, who prides myself on being sharp as a butchers knife, and my ability to focus on three things at a time.  I wasn't able to dissect a situation and find two paths to a solution anymore.  I wasn't able to focus at all.  A thought would dissipate as soon as it entered my head.  I couldn't read complicated text.  Mathematical calculations and statistical analysis took twice as long.

Some mornings I woke up and felt like my brain didn't work at all.  Some afternoons, it ran out of steam.  I literally didn't know what I was supposed to be doing.  Thirty minutes would pass and all I could do was sit.  I was paralyzed.  More than the physical manifestations, this paralysis and confusion was the scariest feeling I'd ever experienced.

Before anyone yells "breakdown!", maybe it was.  It wasn't everyday.  It wasn't sudden.  It wasn't dramatic.  And, it was during a period of my life with an intense professional situation, too much time on airplanes, a few toxic people, and heartbreaking personal events.  For the first time, I couldn't deny what stress was doing to me, mentally and physically.  I physically couldn't meet my responsibilities. With help from my doctor, I realized some significant changes needed to take place in my life.  And, these big changes started with small steps.



In the first step, I adopted my mantra of First Things First.  I had always made lists -- long to-do lists that felt like I achieved something each day.  They didn't.  They were a placeholder.  I stopped them.  Now, each day, I list no more than five "First Things First".  No matter what happens, these have to happen.  This daily mantra and list became my life preserver.

Each morning, I write First Things First as I have my coffee.  No exception.  Some mornings, at my worst, it was a painstaking chore.  Now, editing it down to five items maximum is the hard part.

On a day when I was just surviving, my list looked something like this:
1.  breakfast
2.  kids to school
3.  walk the dog
4.  answer email
5.  do one load of laundry

Sometimes "get dressed" was on the list.  Sometimes it was "make bed".  On those days when I was merely surviving, my brain couldn't focus to tell me the basic steps to take each morning.  I felt debilitated.  And scared.  This coming from a woman who normally had done two loads of laundry, led a conference call, responded to 20 emails from Europe, fed the family breakfast, and prepped dinner all before 8:00 am.  Now I needed to write myself a map for the day.

First Things First is now my habit I don't skip.  I still sometimes have to tell myself the basics when everything gets too crazy.  But, now, First Things First is my focus point more than a map or step-by-step guide.  Because, now I'm back in my "thrive" mode.  I'm learning new skills, starting a business, expanding my network, investing in family time.  Now, there's so much I want to do each day that First Things First is making me choose, calming me in a different way.

Here's Today's List:
Sunday's First Things First
1.  Thank you notes for last week's meetings
2.  blog post
3.  layout for new photos on wall
4.  clean sheets on bed

First Things First is a daily habit.  It was a small habit toward being healthy.  And, it will continue to be my focal point, my map, my life preserver each day.

My Super Hero Power -- I can sleep anywhere

I can fall asleep anywhere.  And, by that, I mean I can nap anywhere.  I can find something to use as a pillow, and fall asleep.  It's a special talent.  It's also a source for funny family photos.

Sleeping in Kuai 

Napping mid-hike on a river side

I can sleep on airplanes and commuter trains.
I can sleep on beaches, grassy fields.
I have fallen asleep on boulders in the middle of rivers.
I even took a nap on the top of Half Dome in Yosemite.

Top of Half Dome Yosemite

On Golden Beach in New Zealand

It's a talent.  Or a problem.
I like to think of it as one of my Super Hero Powers.  Because who doesn't love a good nap?

Do You in the Morning

I really believe that quiet moments in the morning set the stage for the entire day.  It's the start of who we want to be that day.  But, following advice from my online feed just didn't work.  When I break out my Wonder Woman mug, you know it's going to be that kind of day!  Check it out on Medium...

The End of the Morning Ritual

Women on the Team

First article published on Medium.  Check out Women on the Team
about why I am taking my first public political action and marching on Saturday in San Francisco.

Mini-Adventures and Snow Shoes

The idea of a mini-adventure is something I've been considering and trying to practice over the past year.  A mini-adventure is more than an activity.  How do you bring the newness, exhilaration, uncertainty, and sense of accomplishment from a life full of adventure into the everyday?  Can you bring a sense of adventure into your everyday?  Can you weave the best of vacations, holidays, trips into your normal routine?

View of Lake Tahoe before the storm

I argue "yes", through the idea of embarking on mini-adventures.  These are shorter in time, less money, and sometimes less effort to start.  Mini-adventures are planned, or can be spontaneous.  Mini-adventures face fears, the unknown, and push you.  They may be physical or not.  They could be dangerous.  But, danger, the unknown, and physical are personal to you.

This year, my intent is to have twenty to twenty-four mini-adventures.  Some with my family, some alone, some with friends.  These mini-adventures will teach us new lessons, take us into new environments.  They are designed to wake us up a bit more.


Mini-Adventure #1:  Family Snow Shoe

My husband trying to walk

Our week in Tahoe was blessed with about two feet of snow.  It's been coming down for 48 hours straight.  We rented skis, but couldn't get on lifts due to visibility and wind.  Three more hours of sunlight, fresh flurries, and a little bit of boredom in the house.

We rented snow shoes and headed out on a trail near our house.  We didn't know where we were headed.  The gear was easy but fun to use and we smiled while gusts blew in our face.

Coming to a clearing, we found a snow park and sledding hill.  Of course, the kids wanted to break and jump on a sled.  After the sledding, we strapped the gear back on and headed toward the house.  It was a refreshing adventure that took us out of our comfort arenas.  We fell in snow drifts, saw beautiful rivers and trees, and laughed together.  Great fun!

The sun came out on the last
 day but the snow was still deep

photo courtesy of Brian Hepner

Reflections on the suckiest year -- Is it simple?

2016 is finally ending.  Yes, there are a few more days but these final hours blend together.

Finally.

I made a family photo album of our many adventures and milestones in 2016.  We took six trips and had many day long or weekend mini-adventures.  We went to Turks and Caicos, Tucson, Phoenix, Hawaii, Cancun, and New York City.  We drove to Sonoma (twice), Alcatraz, Santa Cruz, and around the Bay Area.

But, we lost this year.  My mom died and I was with her; then went on to manage closing out her estate.  Then we lost my uncle and our old dog.  We had a hive of earthquakes, my son started middle school,  my younger son went on an IEP at school, new thoughtless neighbors moved in, stressful jobs, job changes, and then their was the presidential election...it felt like we were losing and moving backwards.  Unwanted and painful events popped up.  I felt so much of others' pain.  My husband's health suffered with thyroid conditions, viral attacks, hernia surgery.  I started having anxiety attacks.  At times, my world just felt smaller.  So much of it seemed difficult or had just disappeared.

And, so the trips and vacations.  They were fantastic and created memories for our family.  I felt like I owed them to my family and they deserved it.

It would be easy to say 2016 was the suckiest year.  It was in many years.  We've had bad years in our family before.  It's not that simple.  Here's what I learned:

I have one body, one life -- and its up to me to care for it
I love wine and I love dessert.  I love parties -- big and small.  I am also middle-aged with two young boys with no health issues.  It's up to me to start taking better care of this vehicle that's getting me through each day and the brain in it.  Ease up on the sugar and alcohol.  Exercise. Don't let stress build about things or people that just aren't worth it.

Life isn't about productivity and manageability.  It's about creation, reflection.
I had gotten into a rut to make things workable and optimized.  It was my job.  It was my focus at home and in relationships.  So I stopped.  Now its about:  What did I change for the better around me?  What did I contribute or create?  What beauty or idea is here now?

Make love a priority.
Prioritize your partner, kids, parents, family, friends, strangers who need you.  Yes, it can be exhausting.  But stinginess is more exhausting.  And the act of love is exhilarating.

Make time for adventure.
At the beginning of the year, I revisited my bucket list.  Its a December/January thing for me.  There were items that screamed "why wait?".  So, I didn't.  This list changes constantly and it replaces goals or resolutions for me.  I set the experiences and adventures for the year.  In 2016, I doubled up.  We went to Giants spring training and the NYC parade.  I got serious on Instagram.  I started writing again.

For me, bringing adventure to my life keeps me sane and what I look forward to.  I hope its a legacy for my children.  It's part of keeping our world bigger and our bubble thinner.

There is always joy, even in heartbreak.
Joy isn't always laughter and giggles and dancing.  Joy is sometimes realizing weeks later that you did the right thing or made the right decision.  Joy can be a weight lifted.  Joy can be the feeling you are giving your heart completely in that moment.  And, joy can be laughing, dancing, hugging.  It's that simple.

My blog (and Instagram) is "Waking Up in San Francisco".  The title started when I was traveling around the world.  It evolved to the realizations I "wake to".  These five realizations are what I woke to in the suckiest year.  They will shape 2017 -- which will be full of challenges, love, beauty, change, action, and adventure.  It's simple.  And it is not.

Waking Up in Cancun

Good Morning!  Sunrise view from our balcony at Nizuc

A few days after returning from the family trip to New York City, we boarded a plane bound for Mexico.  We had a stay in a beautiful resort in Cancun, the Nizuc Resort and Spa. Three full days of complete relaxation.

Quiet beaches -- aahhh...

We used the time to visit Rio Secreto and hike and swim in the underground caverns, something I have wanted to do for years.  They run a fantastic tour and the day flew by.




As I slept, swam, read, ate, and relaxed, it occurred to me that we treat our minds and bodies to the right everything on vacation (except maybe the tequila).  Why don't we bring some of what we find rejuvenating about a good holiday and vacation into our everyday?

photo courtesy of Rio Secreto

Taking time for Mexican Hot Chocolate --
like nowhere else

My husband loves a good cigar.  He rarely smokes them.  The resort has a jazz and cigar bar and he loves both and we went each night.  I started thinking about how he doesn't smoke cigars or visit our local cigar bar at home.  I can't remember the last time we went to a jazz concert or club.


On vacations, I often read my book first thing in the morning with coffee.  Its a luxury for me.  Why don't I sneak 15 minutes of reading in the morning?

View from Nizuc reception

Besides the beautiful scenery inside and outside of the resort, besides the food and drinks, and the lack of an agenda, my realization from this trip is that our souls need a few minutes of "vacation" in our regularly scheduled days.